Losing is painful. It doesn’t matter what – a job, an advertising, your quality of life, a partner, a spouse – it’s painful. Sure, the pain is greater, the higher the loss, but if we lose something, we feel it deeply.
A pal of mine, a trial lawyer by trade, recently lost a big case. He’s not in the habit of losing trials, for him this was a most unusual experience david hoffmeister audios. But what intrigued me was his attitude about this: “I can see where I made some mistakes. I am aware it’s hindsight and all that, but I seriously misjudged the way the jurors would look at certain facts. I can’t await my next trial – I have some applying for grants what I really could have done differently, and I want to see how they’ll play out.”
His can be an optimist’s attitude. A miracle-making attitude. The one that practically guarantees success. Oh, maybe its not all time, but more often than not. It is well established that optimists succeed beyond their actual aptitude and talents – all for their attitude.
Many lawyers, in his position, could have expended their efforts laying blame somewhere: on opposing counsel for underhanded tricks, on the Judge to be biased toward another side, on the jurors for “not getting hired,” on the trial team to be inefficient, or on themselves. My friend, however, simply assessed his work, figured out that which was missing, and was rarin’ to take another trial – so he could once again, win.
All it took was a shift in perception, what Marianne Williamson* defines as “a miracle.” Or, to my method of thinking, a shift in perception (how you begin to see the loss) lays the groundwork for a miracle, for something to occur which will be much better than that which was expected. By moving off the blame-game, and choosing instead to learn from the ability (the shift in perception), my friend put himself back on the success track.
Once you look at your loss, whatever it is, as permanent and all-encompassing, then sure enough, you’ll feel devastated and struggling to let it go and move on. If, on the contrary, you appear at your loss – be it the increased loss of a job, a spouse, a client, your savings – as temporary, something to learn from – then chances are excellent that you will have the ability to go onto better yet things; to a “miracle.”
The only real change is in the manner in which you perceive the function, the loss. And that, unlike the loss itself, is wholly within your control. Buck against it though we may, we are able to always control what we think. No, it’s definitely not easy. I find it takes considerable effort to go my thoughts off the comfort of wound-licking and self-pity to thoughts that may generate a better future. But it’s doable.